“I’m Fine”

Posted by Danica Quabba on

Hi guys! Hope your weekend has been amazing. I gave you guys a little heads up to tonight's blog topic, I want to address real conversation vs surface conversation.

Recently I chatted with a close friend about how as a Mum people are always saying "hey how are you?" and the shocked look you get if you say anything other than "I'm fine". As I have gotten older I have come to realise that people whether acquaintances, family or friends majority of the time don't want to hear the negatives or know how to respond to the heavy conversations. Everyone expects the Instagram over the reality, the fake smile over the break down and surface conversation where no topics are too deep or meaningful because god forbid that you aren't coping. I feel like society expects us to be fine all the time when that is definitely not the case.

So here is my real conversation!

I struggle daily with my children. The toll that having a medical needs child has taken on my mental health is horrifying. I find that people ask more about Abigail's wellbeing not mine. The reality is we expect mums to just deal because hey you wanted to have kids. Things at times have been that tough that at times I have wanted to walk away. The loneliness that crippling I have spent hours crying. That constant feeling of being a burden on friends or family when I do vent because I feel so pressured to just deal and be okay. The pressure having children and especially one with complex needs places on a marriage. I suffer with anxiety daily and am currently medicated and seeing a psychologist to help me deal with both guilt and resentfulness over Abigail's needs. I have no shame in seeking help and if anything it shows my commitment to my family.

It wasn't until I had this what I call "real conversation" with a friend that I realised holy shit we are literally all in this same cycle of "surface conversation". As mums we all struggle at times and I feel no one talks about due to fear of those struggles not being reciprocated. I also feel like certain people are raised not to speak about heavy matters.

My challenge to you all is to ask how someone is doing and have a genuine and real conversation about things that matter. You never know how badly someone may just need someone to talk to.

Finally never underestimate the power of some self care. You cannot give from an empty cup!

The Medicalised Mumma x

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