Posted by Danica Quabba on

Epilepsy is a thief!
Epilepsy takes steals your independence, memory, muscle control, social life, emotional control and most of all predictability. I sat with Abigail last night as we Skyped with her Nanna and Nonno and watched as she laid down under the coffee table and started to have a seizure. Poor Nanna felt completely helpless and in the dark not being able to help or know what was happening.

Once it was all over she had a second.

I sat there assessing the type of seizure. What were her arms, legs and torso doing. What were her eyes doing. Was she making any noise. Was her breathing compromised. Was her pulse stable. Was this seizure anything abnormal for her. Was she responsive. Had she kept her continence. How long did the seizure go for.

All while this was happening I told mum I had to go and hung up our call while I cared for my daughter in one of her most vulnerable moments. She came to confused and stayed laying down for about 5 minutes. After a little bit she told me she was hungry. I went and got her yoghurt and she just stood there looking at it like she didn't know what to do. I asked her if she needed help and she told me "yes please my arms are sore and aren't working". I sat there looking at her feeling completely broken that this is her normal. I sat her on my lap and fed her the yoghurt looking at this little girl in disbelief that she will be 4 in two weeks. Sometimes it feels like Abi and Hazel are the same in age and it just goes to show how much of an impact Epilepsy has on everyday life.

Epilepsy has taught me that yes it is a thief but also a disease that provides perspective. It has taught me to appreciate the small wins, the times when she is able to socialise, her wonder at discovering how the world works and how she can find kindness in everyone. It has made me more tolerant and patient (only by small amounts). It has made me advocate for her so hard that I've ended up yelling at doctors until my concerns are heard. Most of all it has made me appreciate each and every person that has helped us on this journey and been there to provide much needed support.

Appreciate and rely on your village guys because god knows we could all use a little support at times.

The Medicalised Mumma x

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