The “D” Word

Posted by Danica Quabba on

Hi all!

As you all would know Abigail has her final part of her ADOS assessment yesterday. Wow what a stressful morning!

So yesterday Abigail decided to have a good day, minimal meltdowns and was so helpful that morning getting ready to go. We jumped in the car picked up my Mum (Nanna) and off we went to Townsville.

The car trip was uneventful apart from the constant noise from the iPad and DVD player and Hazel grizzling.

We arrived at the appt and Abigail decided to have a meltdown because she wanted a cupcake and we were already 5 minutes late. I grabbed out a cupcake from her lunch box and told her to eat while she walks.

We got into the room and the session started, I sat quietly letting the team do their job and assess, feeling quite anxious and a little useless. Within an hour the session ended and was told they had all they need and would call me once they had scored. At this point I was convinced nothing would come of it, she sat through the whole session not one meltdown and played well.

We started the trip home and the day went to shit! Hazel started coughing this horrible chesty cough and Abigail was on repeat demanding another cupcake. I rang the doctor and booked an appt for Hazel and tried telling Abi we would be home soon. We made a couple of brief stops and my phone rings. It’s the psychologis, my heart picks up, my anxiety is through the roof when I answer. After a quick little chat she says the dreaded D word, DIAGNOSIS. Now this is a word I have come to know all too well and it’s one I wish I didn’t. Abigail was diagnosed with level 3 ASD. For the fourth time in 18 months my heart broke, again my ideals were shattered and I hit that low point once again. My mind was reeling, I had and still have zero clue what this diagnosis means for both Abigail individually and is as a family unit.

I managed to get home and function the rest of the afternoon not really present I guess you could say. Hazel ended up having bronchiolitis and tonsillitis poor chicken and Abigail completely oblivious to our world about to change again. All I know at this point is a lot of trips to Townsville and a lot of therapy etc and of course I will do all this and more for my child but my god as if I wasn’t stretched thin enough.

In all honesty I’m dreading the judgement from others. The “but she looks fine” “are you sure” “shouldn’t you get a second opinion” and my all time favourite “must be because you vaccinated her”. As a parent you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Before blurting out your comments pause and think and be mindful of the effect your words can have because let me tell you sometimes your one comment has the ability to break that mumma that’s already struggling.

For all you mums/dads/caregivers with a gut feeling, listen to it, generally it’s pretty accurate. I know this too shall pass but for now I need time to process and adjust.

Any questions at all hit up the forum and I will get back to you ❤️ Be kind always guys!

The Medicalised Mumma x

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