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The right to be angry.

One thing people don’t warn you about when you have a child with diagnoses is anger. Anger over the life you should have had, over the life your child should have had, over the way other parts of your life fall apart while navigating these murky waters and anger at the system for failing so many children.

I recently chatted to a psychologist about these feelings and she assured me that it was completely normal and we needed to use strategies to help me through it.

Abigail has absolutely no emotional regulation, she has trouble linking emotions to her feelings and gets frustrated. This results in me repeating myself 60000 times a day in response to the same questions, me telling her over and over that hungry and tired are not the same and trying to reason with a child who sees the world in black and white. Add into the mix a turdler that’s hit the terrible twos and it’s like the ticking mum bomb. I honestly during the day cannot even use the toilet without one or both needing to have some completely pointless conversation or whinging about the other doing something.

Don’t get me wrong I love my kids so so much but Jesus Christ they can be dead annoying!

Since coming off keto Abigail has been seizing daily again. These seizures impact her memory, motor skills and behaviour in big ways. I feel like we are on a hamster wheel and we are so stuck.

I feel like as a mum I am constantly proactively seeking new treatments to try and give her some semblance of normal. In the past week the new term thrown at us is that due to seizures Abigail is neurologically compromised, like what the hell does that mean. Your brain is your command centre, when command centre is compromised it’s catastrophic. How can I make sense of that let alone explain it to Abigail in a way that she would understand and doesn’t sound horrifically negative.

Being a mum sometimes just sucks, having hard conversations sucks and seeing the disappointment in your child’s eyes when she can’t do certain things due to risk sucks.

I want to be that mum that is always positive and happy and that never yells or loses their shit. So if your that mum tell me your secrets.

The Medicalised Mumma x

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